


Stories From His Father's Bed

by stardustcatharsis



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Childhood Memories, Children, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up, Internal Conflict, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 03:23:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15209816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustcatharsis/pseuds/stardustcatharsis
Summary: The beginning of the end of Kylo Ren comes in the form of a small, black haired child aboard the Millennium Falcon.Stories, memories, and the future of the galaxy rest within then walls of the legendary ship.





	Stories From His Father's Bed

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I've been thinking about Ben having a child of his own and how he would be as a father. I would imagine him to be very much like this and very in awe. I absolutely love Gentle Ben. Prepare for feelings you didn't ask for.  
> Thank you for reading! Excuse my Evernote errors. One day I'll actually use an actual computer again.

 

_**Stories From His Father's Bed** _

__

The beginning of the  _end_ had come wearing dirty, sand covered robes.  _She_ was a messenger of death, he was certain. His mind couldn't contain her.  Often, more often than he admitted, she destroyed him from the inside out. 

 

The demise of the mighty  _Kylo Ren_ spread like the legend of the man that made the Kessel Run in twelve parsecs. It was common knowledge amongst the impoverished planets in the Outer Rim, and a joke for left over Imperials.

The Skywalker legacy was just as damning as his own failures. He could never live up to the power and prowess of his uncle, his mother, his father---  _his feared grandfather who helped build an Empire to rule the furthest reaches of the galaxy._

He was a frightened boy who lived in the ever moving shadows of the pillars that stood around him.  _Ben Solo_ laid in his father's cot upon the Falcon, complacent in the quiet as he stared at the images splayed along the projector.

It was the first time he had set foot on the ship since he was a child. He was too large to sit on his father's lap and listen to wild tales about all of the awful things he'd done. Yet, the Rebellion stories were like kindling to the anger that burst into flames within his stomach.

_Those_ were the ones he adhered to. Understanding the reason why a nobody became a king amongst the scourge on Corellia made his expression sour. Spitting wouldn't even clean the taste from his mouth. His mother most certainly would have _loved_ to know that he was bundled up in a burlap blanket, listening to a replaying film of his father.

It was breft, but went on for an eternity. Ben's hand creased across the taut scar thaf carved a river down his cheek. He could have sworn it burned more now than it did when it was cauterized. Maybe it was that his father's hand still rested in the valley like a phantom. He swore he could feel him there.

Every time the holo stopped, Ben's fingers tapped on the small screener until it flickered back to life. A sadness crept over him that was so large he felt as though it cast him into a fathomless pit. The scavenger could probably feel the disturbance, and he wasn't privy to any prying eyes.

_This was his and his alone._

Closing his eyes, Ben listened to the gruff melody of Han's voice overtake him. It was nothing extraordinary. The holo showed a man much younger than the one that fell from the catwalk on Starkiller Base. He was handsome, rugged.

Ben swallowed, propping himself on his arm as he looked at the features they shared. His free hand slid over his elongated nose and broad jaw. He was sharper than his father with traces of Leia splitting through his face.

Part of him envied his father. He didn't have protruding ears, or soft, feminine eyes. His skin held warm color while Ben was made of porcelain.

All he had ever wanted was to be like his father.  _A pilot. A diamond in the rough. A hardworking man. Free._

A scowl weighted Ben's plush lips; another feature borrowed from his mother. He was a gangly thing when he was young. Putting his fist through the projector would do no good. He wanted to. He wanted to erase the image of his father's smirk, one trait he did inherit, and stamp it all back down.

_Supreme Leader Kylo Ren_ did not hide in the bowels of an archaic, dilapidated ship and hold back tears. He tore through planets and rebuild law in the galaxy. He did not hope that the noxious scavenger would somehow peel through his walls and comfort him.

_Kylo Ren_ did not long for a life he could have had. 

 

Closing his eyes, Ben sank back upon the thin pillow and sighed. He slapped at the projector until the holo fizzled into nothingness. His civilian clothes felt too foreign and his entire existence seemed to be skipping beats within his own timeline. 

 

It would only be a matter of time before Rey came back to the ship. He would be gone by then. But he waited, hanging on the hope that she would catch him there. The bed he fell asleep in as a child seemed all too small, much to rigid. 

 

His long legs dangled slightly -- his height came from his grandfather. All of the things that made Ben Solo comprised of so many pieces he felt like they couldn't be contained -- like the girl that took ownership of this old vessel. 

 

Ben felt the pressure of his bond with the scavenger and he glowered in the dark. She was close. The last thing he needed was her  _knowing_ that he was on the run. System after system, he had found this ship. He had tried to outrun his own fate and the fate of the First Order. 

 

Giving in had been the first step in acceptance of the idea that he was not untouchable. It was humbling to watch the tethers to the darkness crumbling in an ascension to a fading ray of light. He felt there. He felt it in that bed. 

 

He felt it in his father's voice as he rumbled to his mother in the holo. Han spoke about nothing but everything all at once. And it haunted Ben as he turned on his side as footsteps clattered against the metal plated floor. 

 

The cooridoor lights fluttered as a shadow cast alongside the wall. It was  _her._ It was salt in the wound as he heard a small voice singing a tune he remembered. Ben held his breath at his as he felt the weight of his bond crush him. 

 

For a moment, a wave of calm washed him clean of his sins as a pair of dark eyes looked up at him. He breathed methodically as a perforated piece of paper was held to his face. 

 

"Look at what I made for you."  A sloppy drawing of a dewback and a bantha overtook Ben's vision. 

 

Rey stood still watching for a moment as the small voice echoed in the quiet of the barracks. Her hand rested on the back of the little boy's shoulder as she steadied herself.

 

"Daddy, I worked real hard on this." The boy said. 

 

Ben raised slightly, taking the picture in his large hands. One ruffled reached down to ruffle a tuft of black hair as a crooked smile fell just below a constellation of freckles on the child's face. 

 

Rey crossed her arms. Her feelings were well written in the confines of their own space, their bond, and everything in between. She had been surprised that Ben was inside of the ship instead of hiding at the outpost as a civilian. 

 

"While I was on the base, Jacen got to spend some time with your mother. She showed him a holo of Tatooine." She said quietly. 

 

Ben couldn't place his emotion. Yet, he held the crinkled page in awe of it and patted the sliver of space left on the cot. Eagerly, the boy climbed into the space and laid his head upon his father's broad chest. 

 

He was safe there. Maybe that's what broke Ben's heart. As his fingers gently rolled through Jacen's messy hair, he cast his eyes upon Rey as she hunkered down on the floor. 

 

Their bond was thick with tension. Disappointment, perhaps. They had spent so much time running, chasing after one another to balance the darkness in each other.  _This_ was all she had ever wanted. Though the war still raged on, there was peace in this room. 

 

Jacen was none the wiser to the things his father's gentle hands had done. Nor did he know of his mother's violence or loneliness. 

 

He knew of the soft breaths Ben took and the warmth of his body and the similarity of their faces. Rey relaxed at this and stared at the tangled limbs and tired eyes of their son as he rubbed his eyes. 

 

"Grandmother said that I look like you." Jacen said. His four year old voice small, innocent as could be. 

 

Ben smirked. "Well, I think you'll be more handsome than me. Your mother is a lot prettier than I am. At least you got her ears." 

 

Jacen pulled at his and reached out to grab one of his father's through his own dark hair. A genuine laugh erupted from Ben as he placed a soft kiss on the child's cheek. 

 

"Go get cleaned up and I'll tell you a story about your grandfather." He said, finding the boy's excitement to be as overwhelming as his anxiety. 

 

Jacen squealed and jumped down. He disappeared towards the fresher as Rey pushed herself to her feet. 

 

"I'm proud of you." She said. "We have to keep moving and you cannot stay here. It isn't safe."

 

Instantly, dread and realization struck Ben as he sat up. The violent parts of him were bubbling under the surface and his arms latched around the girl -- _his death, his destruction, his redemption._

He crushed her beneath him, pulling her closer until her feet moved from the floor. She relished his closeness and inhaled the sweetness of his scent. 

 

"I know." Ben sighed into her dirty hair. She smelled like oil, work and the outside. "I just wanted to see him. I'm sorry, Rey."

 

The girl felt tears pricking against the backs of eyes. Their bond thrummed. It had been months since she'd seen him in person. She would give anything to stay wrapped within his arms, his limbs, his presence. 

 

Yet, as she burdened him with the heaviness of a kiss. She sank deeper into him. She craved him. Everything inside of her cried for this closeness. 

 

It was over all too quickly as the sound of the whirring water from the fresher creaked on. Rey was aware of her surroundings and pushed away to tend to the boy. 

 

" _Tonight._ Stay tonight." She licked her lips, dizzying from the feelings that rattled through her small frame. "I can't have our son with a bounty on his head when your General finds out about him."

 

"I've made enough mistakes for a million lifetimes, but I will do anything for his safety. I can't feel the Force with him. And I am thankful for that." Ben said in earnest, watching Rey's tired eyes glaze with worry.

 

"I love you, Ben. Maybe one day we can stop running and give him a home." She whispered before she disappeared. 

 

It felt like his chest would cave in had he not breathed. The conflict he felt in his youth felt so insignificant in comparison to the weight of his decisions now. It wasn't long before his misery was squelched momentarily by his child clamoring for attention. 

 

He sat up and hit his head in the act of scooping the boy up. Jacen wriggled as Rey toweled his damp hair and gave him his favorite toy. 

 

Ben looked down at the small, Resistance-made doll. It looked similar to the porgs that had infested the ship some time ago. He seemed mystified by this child. 

 

Jacen was a chance to undo the curse of his legacy. He could give Rey a new path to the one she had carved for herself after she left the dunes of Jakku. 

 

Leia had sensed the truth during the Scavenger's pregnancy and she had nearly lost her bearings within the dwindling Resistance fleet. It had been a fearful interogation with treasonous slander sweeping through the base. She was marked with a Scarlett letter. 

 

A bounty had been placed on her head by a few villainous creatures looking for a few extra credits. It had taken Finn months of convincing Leia to allow her to come back. It had been a mess, but escaping to the southern most point in the Outer Rim had been a safeguarded exile.

 

_Kylo Ren_ had made sure of that.

 

As he rocked the boy in his arms, he noticed the same crooked teeth he had and the same flecks of beauty marks across his face. He was the parts of him he hated, but he thought they were beautiful on his skin. 

 

Protecting Rey wasn't necessary. She was capable and resourceful enough to do it alone. Jacen had been another story entirely. 

Those words caused Ben to get on this damned ship in the first place. 

 

It made the struggles of his own mother and father seem more tangible. It made sense in a way. Not entirely, but as he opened his mouth, his past couldn't be killed. 

 

"Your grandfather was a smuggler, you know? He made the Kessel Run in twelve parsecs in this ship." Ben said, finding Rey wiping her messy hair from her face as she listened just as intently as Jacen. 

 

"He met a boy on Tatooine that turned out to be my uncle, and he took him on an adventure that lead him to your grandmother. She was a princess, did you know that?"

 

Rey was almost disgusted by how tender this man could be. The man that had ruled a galaxy and fought to denounce everything he was, was sitting on a tiny cot with a tiny child, soothing him to sleep. 

 

"I knew it." Jacen said, pressing his doll to his face. "She looks like one."

 

"Well, your grandmother is pretty tough and always takes care of business. She was kidnapped by a cruel man, who later turned out to be very, very sad. Your grandfather and my uncle went to rescue her, but she ended up rescuing them. Don't ever let anyone tell you that a princess can't rescue themselves. Or that you can't get out a trash compactor, because you  _can."_

"I want to fly, Daddy." Jacen said softly, yawning deeply into his chest. 

 

Ben held him closer, tighter than he should habe. His eyes cast on Rey, who nodded softly as she pressed her hands on the cot. 

 

"One day I'll tell you more and show you how to fly. I have to go." He strangled the last few words from his throat and closed his eyes. "I promise. One day the war will be over."

 

Rey's eyes welled with tears. It was already ending. The price of it was the burden she wished she didn't have to bear. Deep down she knew that the fine grey line was what mattered, and that was manifested in the body of a boy who didn't know that he would become balance itself. 

 

Ben let the boy fall asleep in his protective arms. His eyes transfixed on the girl, who nearly wept as she climbed alongside him. It was the only time they could be a family. 

 

And in the few moments of consciousness, Ben reached to the projector and flipped it on. The pale light bleeding across their faces as Han's voice permeated the room.

 

For tonight, they had balance. They had peace inside of the walls of this legendary ship. Ben couldn't erase his father from his memories, or from the parts he couldn't stand. He was  _Ben Solo._

His legacy was more than being a child in a mask. He was the son of a smooth talking scoundrel and a fiery princess that saved a dying Rebellion.

 

His lover, the siren screaming inside of his head, to the very bottom of his soul, was the Queen of the Jakku desert and scavenged something he had long forgotten.

 

Ben smirked against her forehead, feeling her hands wind in his hair. In between the scars, the nightmares, the war and the dreams--- he sat in the middle of something far greater than himself. 

 

_This was the beginning of the end of Kylo Ren._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
